I Say This With A Straight Face

WHY do I always let myself get used up to the point where there is nothing left for me. WHY do ppl fail to believe that I have feelings too, no they kno I have feelings they just try to test me. I have gone thru so many friends in these past 22 years of my life and now I realize that my friendship is too hard. If u never had a friend who cared enough about you to check on you, to offer their assistance and just be there without asking for a damn thing in return then u r not ready for a friends like me. I have had sudden breaks and hard breaks from friends but none hurt worse than the ones who just don't understand who you are. I am a real person, I don't get any more real. I laugh hard, play hard, cry hard, and I fall hard. But I need a friend now. I need someone who can be my backbone because that is hard to find. They all say they are different for me to only find out they just have a different name with different skin but the same mind set. It amazes me how most of my friendships r so one sided. Only because I allow them to be. I play like on a hard ass but I'm really a kitten. I hurt just like everyone else but no one seems to realize this or care. As I write this I am however realizing that there is hope for me to find that friend. I just need to be open. So this is what I have come to. I want to thank the ppl who understand my pain and understand that sometimes I need a break too. And I want to thank the people who don't want to take the time to understand me but simply want to reap the benefits of our friendships. Because these two groups of ppl are the ones who make me a better friend and I am more than open to that.